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The most common subject that is brought up in relationship advice is communications. In any good marriage, good communication is simply being respectful. Put downs, judgmental accusations and statements, ridicule, and sarcasm are all disrespectful. Good communication prevents this kind of disrespect.

Good communication is also qualitative. When you listen to couples conversing you may observe one spouse rolling his/her eyes in response to an honest question. Maybe one spouse is trying to intimidate the other into submission. One spouse might criticize or berate the other spouse’s decisions or choices. Perhaps one spouse will make fun of the other spouse’s poor grammar or mispronunciations. There might be sarcastic or condescending responses to honest statements or questions. These are all examples of disrespectful conservation.

There is usually less than 15 minutes worth of meaningful conversation between most couples each week. This problem can be compounded when families that have two incomes allow their children to participate in every conceivable recreational activity. However, if couples took advantage of multitasking, this problem isn’t insurmountable.

Couples can be participating in other activities and still have good conversation. They can converse while they are driving together to a movie, church, the grocery store, or while they are conducting a family meeting, or watching a commercial on TV. Couples that want to speak both qualitatively and quantitatively need to converse respectively with each other as much as possible.

Respectful listening is also critical, although respective conversing is very necessary for good, effective communication. Although the listener can also make sure that there is poor communication, poor communication starts with one spouse who dominates the conversation. Other things that prevent good communication include disengaged body language, negative facial gestures, and a lack of eye contact.

Poor communication occurs when one spouse interrupts the other spouse when he/she is trying to get in a few words of an alternative viewpoint or self defense, or when one spouse dominates the conversation. Good communication is a two way street.

Regardless of how well stated or conceived, most listeners don’t really understand the full meaning of the speaker, particularly the subtle nuances. Asking questions is the only way to overcome the unnecessary ambiguities in conversation. However, the questions need to be asked courteously and respectively in order to maintain good communication.

Any spouse who has determined that his/her spouse has lied about anything will from then on always wonder if the truth is ever being spoken. Unfortunately, lying invokes consequences that last for a long time and most spouses don’t realize this until it’s too late. However, honesty is more than simply not telling a lie. Honesty also means that couples will share all information with each other that the other spouse would want and has a right to know. There is absolutely no reason not to share such information. Usually, we either fear hurting our spouse’s feelings or fear being judged by our spouse if we admit our failings.

In a marriage, good communications doesn’t evade, distort, or hide truth from the other spouse. However, there is also no reason to be cruel simply for the sake of being honest. The key phrase is respectful honesty.

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